Category: dirt box

U2 to Perform in War-Torn Syria

After the recent horrors in Paris, the powerhouse band U2 have decided to bring their own brand of World Unity by touring the war-torn cities of Syria in an exclusive 25 date tour from Aleppo to Zabadani.

After the spilling of much blood, the saintly quartet believe they alone can bring the region back together again and stop cross border conflict. In preparation for the event, all music devices in The Middle East have already been preloaded with Arabic versions of their album Songs of Innocence (again without any consultation).

To help with the logistical issues of what is called “U2 Save The World Tour” they have already enlisted professional curmudgeon and less professional Irishman Bob Geldoff to organise this complex live immersive experience. Geldof himself has experience in massaging a lot of egos for Live Aid (Elton John/ flowers, anyone?) and well suited to work in the Middle East.

During a press conference in the Penthouse Suite of Trump Tower  New York, Bono stated that they had the power of God on their side and there were definitely challenges such as the 21 trucks that make for the set design that are currently parked in Turkey awaiting permission to move and the soundcheck alone can be rather elaborate considering the constant shelling. The Edge further added that this is nothing compared to playing in Detroit.

The locals that were interviewed are welcoming but have openly questioned whether the £190 ticket price is justifiable in a region of futile instability but the group reassure there will be “cost effective cheap seats”. More controversial is that Kanye West has already bought up 120 tickets for the opening night, all on the front row for his entourage.

People are questioning whether Bono’s God like status has gone to his head and whether such an act will make any difference to world peace but the varied social networks have been fairly dismissive, leaving withering comments which the band are typically oblivious to. To keep the event broad in scope, the opening act is Sinead O Connor debuting her new album Vatican to Vatican’t. She replaces the original act Coldplay who have refused to play due to their conservative image. This action has been condemned by the UN security council with Ban Ki-moon’s statement stating that Chris Martin is an image conscious pussy.

The tour is set to start in three months and already touted as “something different that will make no difference to anybody’s lives”. Tickets available from Ticketmaster

 

Doll Therapy Trailer

Teaser trailer for my series on emotionally screwed up dolls looking to therapy for their emotional scarred state of mind

Episode 1 features Janice Blackbeard and her sorrowful tale of emotional misfortune

Daily Mail Fail

When an advert collides with the main headline and a PR disaster becomes apparent. This is one of those moments as seen on The Daily Mail front page.

I am sure Citroen’s PR people will be bemused.

Princess Homicide Squad

See the new alternative to the bland detective shows gracelessly adorning our television screens.

Zeroheadroom presents Homicide Princess Dolls. A new kind of cop show harking back to Cagney and Lacey featuring well to do sub royalty solving crimes while looking fabulous.

Alcoholism: Not a Love Story

And the post Christmas drink alcoholism aware campaign starts with this, a lovingly recreated advert with libellous characters from your children’s favourite toys.

If it was a Marvel toy i would have been taken out by Stan Lee himself.

Oh and don’t drink yourself to death.

Ultimate Bez Pitch

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The King Kong game show where you attempt to be the ultimate Bez. The main aim is to survive two weeks of touring while taking a large amount of class A drugs.

The contestants will spend 14 days playing at various live venues dancing, shaking the maracas in the evenings and spend the rest of the time scouring the crappiest drug dens and scoring as many illicit drugs as one can ingest.

The winner will be the one who has scored the most drugs, played in the most mediocre way and survived the ordeal.

The judges will be Bez himself, teamed by the speccy pensioner from The Apprentice and Mark E. Smith from The Fall. All seasoned veterans of chemical ingesting and all night partying.

The name of the game is to have fun and stay alive, all interspersed with CGI recreation and pending Channel 4 lawyers decision on hard drugs shown in a post watershed slot.