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May 2015 12

I watch shit films all the time and this gives me a high tolerance of crap cinema. I mean there is always something in a poorly made film to keep the interest but watching Colour City makes me feel like this is the worst film ever with absolutely no redeeming values contained within. This wasn’t even a gift from me to me as I went with my kids to watch it in the cinema.

Plot: a bunch of crayons come alive and go to a parallel dimension where crayons live a normal life…such a terrible premise and should have been aborted. Alas due to a possible creative drought and  the producers having no taste, it was pushed through to production.

My kids enjoyed it but then again they will probably stare at Warhol’s Campbell Soup and just think of dinner and not appreciate art as it stands in the modern world.

But I digress

This film had atrociously poor animation with a crew that I suspect was suffering from Parkinson’s and songs that are truly,truly terrible and unmemorable. Elton John this is NOT! A poor imitation of some television animation from the 60’s, you would think things would have progressed after Bod and Morph but alas not.

Crayon Bollocks (as i have nicknamed it) is truly the Lidl of cinema and I think next time will purely stick to Pixar animation or some branded piece of entertainment.

1 star and a disappointed morning.

May 2015 11

Another poster for my alt:sitcom. Now is the time to start writing it and bringing to life the maniacal beast that are the Junkie Dolls.

It’s like Friends but rated X.

May 2015 07

An actual conversation I had with a Labour candidate who didn’t really get my sense of humour in such a knife edge election.



May 2015 07

This is probably the fastest pitch for an atrocious example of male posturing war movies since the last cinematic spectacle that had male posturing actors that go under the byline “this is THEIR story” . I disagree, it’s no more of a recruiting vehicle than Top Gun and is nowhere as explicit of the fact that war is bad as Black Hawk Down and Band of Brothers.

There is so much macho gun manhandling that the film could have very well been directed by Derek Jarman.

May 2015 04

I was sent a eccentrically written book to proof read which was technically the weirdest thing I have set my eyes on and decided to do a counterculture Vice style review of it. This was the only way I could encapsulate the sheer insane journey that I, as a reader,took. If William S. Burroughs ingested a lethal cocktail of heroin, horse tranc and speed this would be the same outcome.

Read the review.