Memo to JJ Abrams
Dear Mr Abrams
Glad you are taking the reigns of the new Star Wars Trilogy and not Michael “cinematic epilepsy” Bay but a few things to learn from the last three travesties:
1- No Jar Jar Binks. It took George Lucas until Empire to bring a positive black role model and then we went backwards with this ethically wrong character. So no tacky wacky shit ok?
2- This is a deal breaker when it comes to parting with my cinema money. No CGI sets, please build real sets that actors can walk around in. It was a nice try by Lucas but let’s face it, it was shit. The actors couldn’t act properly and the film was flat. How’s that for Dolly Parton-esque lyrics! Look at Peter Jackson, he built sets that people can touch and you can too and as you are shooting in the UK you have a thousand unemployed carpenters begging to work. Remember, George Lucas sold the farm to Disney so you don’t really have to listen to him anymore about this green screen crap. By all means kiss the ring but he starts talking digital just mention Tron’s box office.
3- Return the fun back like the first three films, the 70’s chic and rebellious and witty attitude. Also try to include the incest three way love angle as it was rather funny.
4- As much as Simon Pegg is brilliant try to vary your ensemble cast by using Johnny Vegas as an alcoholic Wookie… much hilarity will ensue.
There are more but this is a start….
Remember, I saw the original series as a kid and it blew me away, I saw the next three as an adult and it wasn’t the same. Think about my kids, they will be 4 when they see your film and I want them to have the same exhilarating experience I had watching Star Wars. You don’t owe it to the very dead Walt Disney legacy but to the fans who like the simple things, great story, great action and a happy ending. The first three tapped into the inner child in all of us. The second three did not did not live up to the hype.
I know you will do a great job as you rebooted the Star Trek franchise to make me forget Star Trek 5. I actually paid money to see that in the cinema!
Finally I actually live a 28 minute drive from Pinewood so I can pop down for a proper chat if you want. All I need are Samosas.