Tag: ITV

Danny Dyer 5 Point Plot Breakdown

If you want to be in the Danny Dyer film making business, you have to make films that follow the rules.

These are the rules and don’t stray from them otherwise you will end up with a good movie. Danny doesn’t like good movies. If you don’t believe me, watch (or don’t) the one where he plays an amnesiac taxi driver with two birds on the go. It truly lives up to his surname.

The Emperor’s New Media

Here’s the thing. Nowadays, look at the standard television channels and you will see a lot of programmes where you will literally think “who the hell is going to watch this trash?” There is currently a Laurence Llewelyn Bowels obs doc (as of this writing) going to China to release a range of lingerie! Secret life of cats! The very public life of dogs!
How are these shows commissioned still in this day and age and still be woefully out of touch with modernity and why are the commissioners out of touch? Or are they, because they do get the ratings.
My guess would be the background of the commissioners and producers where they think these ideas will please the masses. I constantly ask industry foot soldiers the state of television and they say it’s going downhill and lowbrow but then again I don’t have that many cat loving housewife friends who make up the demographic. I simply don’t travel in those circles.

Brands like Vice are making huge inroads with documentaries and Netflix the same in terms of bold strokes with drama. Also a worthy mention is the Maverick philosophy of HBO where they make programming that people not only watch but talk about afterwards. When was the last time you said ” oh goody! A Lawrence Bowel-Movement programme with a twist”… I would presume never unless you are over 65 and act suspiciously spinsterish.
The thing about programmes such as this is that those in power still want attain the level of mastery on their choices but as the commissioners are in power, they ask for what they think the audience wants, not what they actually want.
Water cooler moments are few and far between and the last time I had one of those for a television programme was The Office and after that Nathan Barley. Nowadays the posts left on my Facebook page rarely consist of MOR television programming.
Another irk is the obs docs nonsense which admittedly my wife watches like 24 hours in A&E which she finds entertaining due to the “human stories”. But a new fly-on-the-wall programme set on night busses? basically just transmitted HD cctv footage with audio and edited for “the best bits”… I blame BigBrother for giving birth to such conceit.
The biggest surprise for me was Gogglebox, hated the premise but accidentally caught a programme and actually found it funny… It’s rather popular too. Unfortunately this success has made the industry think they have their finger on the zeitgeist. They don’t and as the ages pass, their grip will loosen further until their next shows have to find kickstarter for funding.

 

British television needs to be bold, not saccharine.

New Eastenders Slogan

We all know that soaps such as Eastenders have comfortable stereotypes removed from all of reality. A situation created by the White Folks in Power who think will make it easier for the audience to switch off and get into the drama so why not go the whole hog and make it the selling point?  Voila! Here’s one I made that the corporation can use with pride.

BBC Commission for a great show!

With the proliferation of wacky themed shows filling our airwaves there is nothing better than pitching one myself to the BBC.

This one can’t be as bad as Gogglebox or the new one, Gogglebox in the kitchen. And lest we forget the classic fixed rig camera show set in a pub.

One thinks that i may be waiting a long time for them to get back to me.

Bringing EdgyBack

Disclaimer: This is a broad generalization when referring to specific episodes but I am making an overall point so don’t dick me over some late night show which you term a classic.

Each decade of television (and radio) has had an element of the radical that has changed the landscape and influenced the following generation from the Goon Show (1950’s), Tony Hancock (1960’s), Monty Python/ Q (1970’s), Blackadder/ The Young Ones/ Only Fools and Horses/ Spitting Image (1980’s), The Day Today, Big Train (1990’s), The Office, Nighty Night and Nathan Barley in the noughties.

Obviously there was a load of crap that fell by the wayside (Fresh Fields/ Curry and Chips/ Mind your Language) but the last one on my list is the point I am making albeit a broad one.

For me the last great comedy series was Nathan Barley and due to it’s reception was considered an artistic failure, which seemed to be a Chris Morris backlash. Since then there has been nothing challenging which is curious because comedy is about as fashionable as Anna Wintour these days.

Film pitch: Writing from an armchair

 

Read the above synopsis! It’s from an already released movie (albeit straight to DVD). Dull right?

Now, i am trying to write an elevator pitch to sell my film idea and everywhere i read it says that this my be as airtight as an astronaut’s bumhole. That i understand as i have to sell it to people with a 5 second attention span which leads me back to this curious piece of salesmanship.

If this was presented as a film pitch i am sure the writer would get a punch in the face from the Studio Head unless the pitcher of this was David Mamet then you know it’s backed up with talent. Peter Kaye (equally talented) is doing that with Car Share about (wait for it!) two people who car pool to work.

Being famous is no reason to be complacent… oui?