Worst Cartoon Ever Made

I watch shit films all the time and this gives me a high tolerance of crap cinema. I mean there is always something in a poorly made film to keep the interest but watching Colour City makes me feel like this is the worst film ever with absolutely no redeeming values contained within. This wasn’t even a gift from me to me as I went with my kids to watch it in the cinema.

Plot: a bunch of crayons come alive and go to a parallel dimension where crayons live a normal life…such a terrible premise and should have been aborted. Alas due to a possible creative drought and  the producers having no taste, it was pushed through to production.

My kids enjoyed it but then again they will probably stare at Warhol’s Campbell Soup and just think of dinner and not appreciate art as it stands in the modern world.

But I digress

This film had atrociously poor animation with a crew that I suspect was suffering from Parkinson’s and songs that are truly,truly terrible and unmemorable. Elton John this is NOT! A poor imitation of some television animation from the 60’s, you would think things would have progressed after Bod and Morph but alas not.

Crayon Bollocks (as i have nicknamed it) is truly the Lidl of cinema and I think next time will purely stick to Pixar animation or some branded piece of entertainment.

1 star and a disappointed morning.

Zaftul: A New Superhero

Everyone needs a super hero and there is none better that Zaftul. Part time butcher and full time crime fighter.

Gifted with skills in cutting meat and having absolutely no sense of humour, he is your man to help wreak revenge with his berserker rage!

Currently pitching this idea which is technically a hard sell. The best way to sell this is “a Middle Eastern version of Bergerac”

 

Ultimate Nazi Dogging Pitch

The television industry has covered nearly every aspect of the Good War from Dunkirk to D-Day and exhausted nearly every creative angle….

All except for this titillatingly obscure historical novelty.

Motorized German soldiers doing inter-battle kinkiness while dressed in combat gear. Who would have thought?

Re-think what you will of Dogging being a modern day event, this should be the final word in World War 2 documentaries.

Dick Fatoush Dirty Harry 2.0

From the forthcoming short film Dick Fatoush: The Lebanese Detective is the mini trailer of the film within the short.

A sort of lebanese remake of the Clint Eastwood franchise set in London standing in for San Francisco, crime will never look the same again once Dick is on the beat

Drug Deal Disclaimer Short Film

Finally completed and ready for the festival circuit is the short film directed by Sandip Mahal.

What happens when a drug dealer is a bit smart about the job he is in and has to protect himself from unwarranted litigation? 
One particular customer finds out the hard way when his attempt at a quick deal suddenly becomes a battle of wills.

You can watch the film on Vimeo here

 

Drug Deal Disclaimer Short Film

Finally completed, my short film about the trials and tribulations of a dealer trying to keep his hands clean in the murky world of nebulous illegal chemical sales.

Write Like Tarantino

So, one of the many chintzy spam-lite emails I get tells me that with a simple modest payment I can write in the same style as Tarantino, well for the first 15 pages at least.

I can understand why they are selling this concept as his films are unique but why would you want to be a writer turned Tarantino-lite hack?
Why emulate his work when every teacher tells you to find your own voice? Certainly watch his films and read the screenplays (as I have done) but only to see how he has structured his film for himself. It’s hardly the bench mark of structure much like Robert Towne’s work due to their unique styles.

It’s true that people want to read scripts that they can relate to as a hit movie but they also crave originality and scams such as this drive you away from getting your unique voice out there. Look at even the populist genre movies and you can see the writer’s personality is embedded in it. Yes, even Lethal Weapon!

Quentin has had a long B-Movie cinematic education which has developed his writing and for you to do the same thing will make a sub par rip-off script which people will say “it’s like Pulp Fiction/ Reservoir Dogs but a little bit shitter and it’s quite cheeky for someone to sell you a product that is pushing you away from originality and going towards conformity.

We are all influenced by great writers but don’t let it drown out what you want to write. Read a few film books, learn structure and narrative and go ahead and write. It really is that simple.