Tag: exploitation

Dick Fatoush 2.0

He’s back!

The sequel to the not-exactly-acclaimed short documentary about the Lebanese crime fighter working for the Metropolitan Police.

In this follow up we delve further into the past of everybody’s favourite Dick as he tries to make sense of his ever evolving lifestyle.

Green Glasses and dodgy criminals will never be the same again.

To see the original short, click here


Write Like Tarantino

So, one of the many chintzy spam-lite emails I get tells me that with a simple modest payment I can write in the same style as Tarantino, well for the first 15 pages at least.

I can understand why they are selling this concept as his films are unique but why would you want to be a writer turned Tarantino-lite hack?
Why emulate his work when every teacher tells you to find your own voice? Certainly watch his films and read the screenplays (as I have done) but only to see how he has structured his film for himself. It’s hardly the bench mark of structure much like Robert Towne’s work due to their unique styles.

It’s true that people want to read scripts that they can relate to as a hit movie but they also crave originality and scams such as this drive you away from getting your unique voice out there. Look at even the populist genre movies and you can see the writer’s personality is embedded in it. Yes, even Lethal Weapon!

Quentin has had a long B-Movie cinematic education which has developed his writing and for you to do the same thing will make a sub par rip-off script which people will say “it’s like Pulp Fiction/ Reservoir Dogs but a little bit shitter and it’s quite cheeky for someone to sell you a product that is pushing you away from originality and going towards conformity.

We are all influenced by great writers but don’t let it drown out what you want to write. Read a few film books, learn structure and narrative and go ahead and write. It really is that simple.

Film pitch: Writing from an armchair


Read the above synopsis! It’s from an already released movie (albeit straight to DVD). Dull right?

Now, i am trying to write an elevator pitch to sell my film idea and everywhere i read it says that this my be as airtight as an astronaut’s bumhole. That i understand as i have to sell it to people with a 5 second attention span which leads me back to this curious piece of salesmanship.

If this was presented as a film pitch i am sure the writer would get a punch in the face from the Studio Head unless the pitcher of this was David Mamet then you know it’s backed up with talent. Peter Kaye (equally talented) is doing that with Car Share about (wait for it!) two people who car pool to work.

Being famous is no reason to be complacent… oui?

Lee Daniels: What the box office saw

What film with a black lead hit number 1 at the US Box Office? Oh, and didn’t star Denzel Washington or Eddie Murphy?

Well, this feature by Lee Daniels, coming soon after the truly amazing Precious will give proof to the Studios that this kind of intelligent cinema can be a hit and an investment in black filmmakers is an important step for everyone involved.

Let’s hope the floodgates truly open up and the UK follows suit.

Mr Khan Series 2

In the spirit of televisual racism and stereotyping i have written some notes ideas for series 2 of the classic BBC comedy Mr Khan 2.0

Anything else i can do to help please email me at ethnic.minority@zeroheadoom.com/ you’re welcome.

Dolce and Gabbana letter


In a fit of creativity and attempting to get some free goodies from the fashion houses i decided to write a letter to each and every one of them, startinf off with Dolce and Gabbana

To say that it worked and they gave me free shit is akin to stating that Stalin was a nice guy. Still, one tried.


The Sitcom Pitch and other Tales of Timing…..

Here is something I don’t get; I get grilled about getting the perfect one line pitch that sells a sitcom script. Fine, it’s all good as nobody needs to hear some meandering semi nebulous idea of a boy in love with a fish (believe it or not this was made into a short film that propelled a talentless director to current mainstream success. When I recently went to a pitch session with established commissioners my semi meandering was battered to submission and I learned a lot about being concise and to the point. I may have a few completed scripts but before I get there I need to pitch within 3 minutes to people who have less than 2 for such things.

So what’s my point?

Read this for a pitch: Two supermarket colleagues who are forced to drive together in a company car share scheme.

Sounds like a total load of cock, right? Well, this is the pitch/ press release of Peter Kay’s new comedy series that is much trumpeted for the iPlayer and then BBC TV.

Admittedly it is a press release for the public but as it’s Peter Kay, he must have had a longer pitch to go into more detail as the one-liner  is a bit of an uninspiring one even though you know it will be a well-written show and therefore should have been worded better as if you are sitting in front of the commissioner himself . The people reading the article are going to be the eventual audience anyway.

Another pitch made is: A three-parter written by Peep Show co-writer Jesse Armstrong, about a politician compromised by his sexual appetites, is planned for BBC2.

Again with his pedigree it will be a solidly written piece of work but as the pitch is given it sounds pretty much like the other similarly themed programmes made recently. Sounds generic and if I pitched these two as they were I would be curtly kicked in the face. But then again they have earned their merit badges and can say anything/ do anything and have more time with the commissioners.  Maybe it just took me 331 words to just say hypocrisy.

In essence I have to get my act to 3 mins and the established get considerably longer.