Author: admin

The New Tone Deaf McDonalds Advert Titled Dead Dad

I’m Not Loving’ It

So Soon after the poorly thought out Kendall Jenner Pepsi advert (jeeze! if i tried to give a riot cop a Pepsi my skull would be head caved in before i can say Malcolm X) the Brits have come up with their own tasteless take on pulling the heartstrings.

So basically the premise is that the burgers killed the dad and now the mother wants to kill her child slowly, one artery at a time, as a way of removing any trace of pain. I may be wrong.

I really wanted to reversion the entire advert but knew it would be taken down as fast food outlets have no sense of humour.

THAT Jeremy Clarkson Top Gear Text


Jeremy Clarkson, ex presenter of Top Gear, and nowadays known as a loose fisted media thug. If he had an ounce of remorse this would be the text he sent to Oisin Tymon but the twat doesn’t have a decent bone in his body so these “sympathetic texts” rarely come out of his phone.

 

Michael Bay Mentalism

Lego, Paramount Pictures and Michael Bay team up to make this ultra testosterone filled action-balls. The budget for one of his films is the same as the GDP of India.

Oh, and it stars that geek from The Office. Who knew?

Techno Rigor Mortis

Meet Jane.

Jane loves Techno music.

Jane listens to Techno music 24/7 and now due to her constant dance moves is now unable to move any part of her body.

So please donate generously to the CalmDownTechnoMoves charity and remember that Techno music should be enjoyed in moderation.

Jane is now crippled with Rigor Mortis for life/ Don’t be Jane

Danny Dyer 5 Point Plot Breakdown

If you want to be in the Danny Dyer film making business, you have to make films that follow the rules.

These are the rules and don’t stray from them otherwise you will end up with a good movie. Danny doesn’t like good movies. If you don’t believe me, watch (or don’t) the one where he plays an amnesiac taxi driver with two birds on the go. It truly lives up to his surname.

U2 to Perform in War-Torn Syria

After the recent horrors in Paris, the powerhouse band U2 have decided to bring their own brand of World Unity by touring the war-torn cities of Syria in an exclusive 25 date tour from Aleppo to Zabadani.

After the spilling of much blood, the saintly quartet believe they alone can bring the region back together again and stop cross border conflict. In preparation for the event, all music devices in The Middle East have already been preloaded with Arabic versions of their album Songs of Innocence (again without any consultation).

To help with the logistical issues of what is called “U2 Save The World Tour” they have already enlisted professional curmudgeon and less professional Irishman Bob Geldoff to organise this complex live immersive experience. Geldof himself has experience in massaging a lot of egos for Live Aid (Elton John/ flowers, anyone?) and well suited to work in the Middle East.

During a press conference in the Penthouse Suite of Trump Tower  New York, Bono stated that they had the power of God on their side and there were definitely challenges such as the 21 trucks that make for the set design that are currently parked in Turkey awaiting permission to move and the soundcheck alone can be rather elaborate considering the constant shelling. The Edge further added that this is nothing compared to playing in Detroit.

The locals that were interviewed are welcoming but have openly questioned whether the £190 ticket price is justifiable in a region of futile instability but the group reassure there will be “cost effective cheap seats”. More controversial is that Kanye West has already bought up 120 tickets for the opening night, all on the front row for his entourage.

People are questioning whether Bono’s God like status has gone to his head and whether such an act will make any difference to world peace but the varied social networks have been fairly dismissive, leaving withering comments which the band are typically oblivious to. To keep the event broad in scope, the opening act is Sinead O Connor debuting her new album Vatican to Vatican’t. She replaces the original act Coldplay who have refused to play due to their conservative image. This action has been condemned by the UN security council with Ban Ki-moon’s statement stating that Chris Martin is an image conscious pussy.

The tour is set to start in three months and already touted as “something different that will make no difference to anybody’s lives”. Tickets available from Ticketmaster

 

Doll Therapy Trailer

Teaser trailer for my series on emotionally screwed up dolls looking to therapy for their emotional scarred state of mind

Episode 1 features Janice Blackbeard and her sorrowful tale of emotional misfortune

Daily Mail Fail

When an advert collides with the main headline and a PR disaster becomes apparent. This is one of those moments as seen on The Daily Mail front page.

I am sure Citroen’s PR people will be bemused.